Yabberjackie



What do you do…

When everything is going delightfully….and you are doing so well, and you are cruizing right along and then BAM! It all comes to a stop and you regress to a place where you hate and you are crushing the other person you used to be into a corner and saying STAY THERE YOU FILTHY THING. What do you do when all the progress you made becomes shattered by a few crummy mistakes and insecurities and now you are back at square one, but not really square one because progress means you can never go back to square one.

When working with kids with special needs, especially with Autisim, sometimes people say that they will do so well then regress and then surge ahead. I have not experienced this myself. But that is what I feel like. I feel like I made all this progress in my life, in fact about 2 weeks ago I posted my facebook status to be “I am so happy, I could not ask for anything more” and I was. But now I feel all yucky. Like there is dirt inside me. Maybe it is because I did not do acupuncture this month, maybe its because I am not eating well and eating too much sugar. I have been tumbling over and over and over in my brain what it is. I have no idea. All I know is that I need to be VERY gentle with myself. For it is in the being too hard on ourselves that we crush the success that we have had. I admit it has been a super tough week. I have fallen and skinned my knees, but its 930 on Sunday night. And by golly I will not wake up to that week again.

This week I will go backwards a little bit. Reground myself. Root back to Mother Earth. Root back into the my job and my home. Root back to my strength that I have inside, and try to find that place of pure bliss that I felt at that very moment just outside Canmore 2 weeks ago after a goregous day on the hill.

I suppose if you have had it once you know what it feels like for next time. I can find it again.

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